Marriage Advice From 18 Years of Working Together

Long marriages are usually defined by what they’ve survived, and only rarely by what feels effortless. We marked our 18th wedding anniversary in Oyster Bay, Jamaica, by asking each other the questions a full calendar seldom leaves room for.

Shared direction matters more than agreement. When we each tried to sum up the past 18 years in one word, we chose ease and alignment. Ease describes how building, loving, and simply being together have felt, in a marriage largely free of drama. Alignment describes the patient work of moving in the same direction, even when we haven’t been on the same page about everything.

That patience has shaped our habits. Years ago, we committed to vacations every quarter, with two trips reserved just for the two of us. The idea ran counter to our driven instincts, yet once we agreed on why it mattered, it became a necessity and, eventually, part of who we are.

Hard seasons become blessings with support. This year both of our daughters pushed through challenges. Our oldest overcame limiting beliefs about her ability to play sports at a high level, and our youngest is learning to meet the transitions ahead as she finishes middle school.

Our own year brought a 50th birthday, aging parents, and new responsibilities. The greatest blessing was giving each other space and grace to work through it all without judgment. As kids leave the house and parents grow older, moving through those seasons gracefully is a privilege. Having it all figured out isn’t the victory. The journey is learning the lesson of each stage and moving forward.

Protect time for the relationship first. The early years of marriage bring children, careers, and the work of truly knowing each other, all of which can pull a couple away from the relationship itself. Our advice is to designate one partner to keep the connection a priority. In our marriage, one of us plans the concerts, dates, and vacations, while the other, our resident calendar master, makes the logistics work. Support that person instead of resisting them.

Connection also lives in micro minutes. Riding along on a school drop-off or sharing a workout may not be physically optimal for you, but it may be exactly what your relationship needs.

Keep business frustrations out of marriage. We work together, live together, and love together, and our goals are always aligned. The key is understanding which hat each of us wears and who makes the final call. Healthy disagreement belongs in business, but once the decision-maker decides, the other partner falls back. Above all, whatever happens in the business, good or bad, can’t seep into the marriage.

We’ve also learned that a business and a relationship don’t have to follow the same trajectory. Real estate is in a very different market than it was three or four years ago, yet those shifts have given us more time for family, for each other, and for the broader business of us: our real estate investments, our developments, our coaching, and our books. Being multifaceted is how you keep winning in any season.

Write down the goals you share. Our wish for married couples is to discover together what makes both of them happy, align their goals and their vision for their family, write those goals down, and take steps toward them every day.

We also hope couples seek out married couples a little further down the road and make it easy for them to share their wisdom. One set of our parents has been married for 56 years, and they now laugh at frustrations that once felt enormous. Hindsight like that can carry a younger couple through a hard stretch. You don’t have to be perfect to be happily married.

Watch the full conversation in the video, or use the timestamps below to go straight to the moments that speak to you.

00:26 — Reflections and Blessings

05:08 — Advice for Couples

08:26 — Couples in Business

12:01 — Wishes for Couples

Every season we talked about, from a growing family to children heading out on their own, reshapes what a family needs from its home. When you’re ready to plan your next chapter in the DMV, call (703) 991-7900, email info@ajteamrealty.com, or visit ajteamrealestate.com. You have the dream. We have the address.